I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
