At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
