She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
