Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize