I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
