After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
