Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
