i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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