margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I cannot find my penis.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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