I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
