have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
