one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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