Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
