The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
