Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
