Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
