your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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