Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
