Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
