what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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