70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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