Will you blow on my dice?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize