I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
