He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
one might say we're banned from that church
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
