We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you had me at cake vodka
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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