My room smells like vodka and shame
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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