I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize