i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
