Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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