He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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