Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
