Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
