the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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