Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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