Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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