Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
