I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
