so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize