No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
