I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize