so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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