Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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