Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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