We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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