Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we're making bets on your personal life
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
