theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
