No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
