just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
