can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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