Barsexuality is the new black.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
