Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
