separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
