Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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