i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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