Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
