Will you blow on my dice?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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