my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
