I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
