i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
