I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
