just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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