3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
