I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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