it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
