I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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