Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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