I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
