My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
