So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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