I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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