I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
