whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
